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Alleged Assassination!
12/08/2014
SAN ANDREAS FAULT
THE
A body was found in the LS flood control. The police have identified the victim as LBDC Peyton, who had been shot several times in the face. Peyton was a former member of The Outcast MC, and given the location of the body upon discovery by the authorities, IM CORNHOLIO TM and
It aint my fault!
CombinedTrack of The Outcasts are lead suspects in the murder case. No witnesses have come forward, however one commuter said he heard someone scream "No! I'm too young to respawn!".
[Time of death- 1:35pm]
12/15/2014
DsG Airy Mouse, the Vice Preident of the notorious biker gang The Outcast MC has resigned his position. In light of recent events law officials are treating the resignation with suspicion. An LSPD spokesman stated "Stepping down just as the assassination investigation ramps up is a clear sign that the Outcasts are trying to send a patsy under the bus, and their former VP seems willing to take one for the team". However, AiryMouse insisted that was not the reason, and he has no intention of doing time for a crime he was not involved in. He also said the LSPD are welcome to come forward with any evidence to support their suspicions, to which an embarrassed PC shrugged "The investigation is still ongoing".
02/06/2015
Above: DsG AiryMouse, former vice president of The Outcast MC.
Below LSPD comissioner, before the interview.
Stepping down.
1/21/2015
Escalation of violence.
Police officials were searching for a suspect in relation to a shootout at Rogers scrap yard in south LS. Only Hype X was seen leaving the the scene after the sound of explosions and rapid gunfire of heavy weapons was heard.
Later that day the brother of Only Hype X, Only Fresh X aka Princess Olly, was seen opening fire on members of The Outcast motorcylce club with an assault shotgun near The Yellow Jack Inn. His body was found at the summit of Mt.Chilliad with a bullet wound in the jaw soon after. Blaine Co. police officials saw this as an open and shut case and moved in on TOMC with the aid of the LSPD. However when they arrived, the clubhouse was empty. Soon after, reports of several street wars all accross the state rolled in, from Sandy Shores to LS International airport, including Pacific Standard Public Deposit bank, chaos errupted in SA and the police were stretched embarrassingly thin.
When the fighting had died down, the body of Only Hype X was found lying in the street with a homemade SOA patch on his back, curiously close to a car, with a broken glass bottle lodged in his rectum. Inside the bottle was a note that read,
"The Prince and Princess of Passive. Wrecked Forever, Forever Wrecked".
SAN ANDREAS FAULT
THE
It aint my fault!
SAN ANDREAS FAULT
It aint my fault!
THE
SAN ANDREAS FAULT
THE
It aint my fault!
super-novadead.
Photos provided by an anonymous member of the Blaine County Fire Departement.
Novakaine, formally of the Angels of Sin motorcycle club, was killed after trying to patch over to the Outcast MC. Rumour has it that ASMC Novakaine asked for more power within his club, and when he didn't get it, he opened fire Princess Olly style, killing several members with his squeeker weapons.
After a few days of lone wolfing, Novakaine contacted the national secretary of the Outcast MC asking to patch over. Seemingly unaware that his former club had become friendly with the Outcasts even before Novas treason. As the Outcast Pres said, "Kid must have been living under a rock, he's f*^%ing clueless.
Patched members had to cover their mouths to stop the laughter when Novakaine said that his strong point is that he is loyal.
With blessings from ASMC, the outcasts played along and pretended to recruit Novakaine, right up until he died of a combination of pseudologia fantastica and a hatchet to the head. Police officials have decided not to investigate due to the nature of the case and the fact that the photos were sent in by a member of the Blaine co. fire departement that wishes to remain anonymous. Locals insist that the police are simlpy too afraid of TOMC and ASMC to go looking for justice
"Your opinions don't matter to us, but lets pretend they do so you stay harmless like good keyboard warriors. Have at it, you filthy peasants".
SAN ANDREAS FAULT
THE
It aint my fault!
04/19/2015
Novus Ordo Seclorum
For years the editor of the San Andreas Fault has refused to publish "the ramblings of a mad man", but those days are over! I finally have proof that I was the only sane one left, all along! They've been lying the whole time. They aren't outlaws, they're suit wearing, war
profiteering, fearmongering, scum sucking, ass f**king, bow legged, smelly, stupid, ugly, drunken.... I digress.. Let's address the elephant in the room, before it trampes us in our sleep!..The elephant isn't in our bedroom, though, noooo! We've had to sleep on the couch in the living room because our significant other in league with the lizard people.. And that, my friends is where the elephant is.. The living room.
I had a tip off from a secret source in a dream I had while under the influence of inhalants. The source told me top world leaders would be meating in downtown LS to discuss their secret plans for the future of the world. When I awoke from my gas sniffing trance, I heard the sound of motorbike engines and horns going nuts. There was a convoy of bikers lined outside the apartement building next door. Bikers and men in suits entered the building for a lengthy period. And when they exited, they were all wearing suits with N.W.O. emblems on the back!!! WTF lik, seriously! What devilish transformation was this!? I could swear I saw one of them with lizard eyes too, it's creepy stare piercing my soul, telling me to inspect my playstation...I did, and what I found was staggering.. ...behold...the proof..
"Sincere apologies for this article. The writer has tenure and I'm also bangin' his wife." - Editor-in-chief.